The name is Rachel. I'm sixteen years too old and from that wonderful filthy state of New York. I'm a scorpio, a vegetarian, and an animal rights activist. I love animals. I'm a stubborn female of mostly Irish and German descent. People make me physically ill. Trying to get me to change my mind is a pointless effort. I will debate you until your too tired to debate. Unless your a complete moron. In which case, I won't waste my time talking to you. I don't say anything unless I have something to say. Think about it.

July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007

AIM: GetHisScentOffMe
Myspace:Click Here

I'm not going to update on here really anymore I don't think. I've pretty much moved over to livejournal, so check me there:
www.junkiemessiah.livejournal.com
Add me.

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Blood on my tongue.
Blood on my chewing gum
Your beautiful when your numb.
The computer types for itself
Like some kind of demon posessing me.
Prose and poetry.
Killing livestock, fish, and poultry
As if we were some sort of primative beings.

I did something last night
I did something that wasn't right
Alone
I watched it run like a river
Run like the semen in your jeans
Run like a convict escaping from San Quentin
Run like ME

I saw god once and he told me he couldn't let me in
I saw god once and I told him he was some sort of bitch
god saw me once and he said i was a disgrace
well i told god he made me, I wasn't the only fuck up in this human race

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New layout, I was bored with the Courtney Love, so here it is, made by me, Otep layout with lyrics from the song Perfectly Flawed. The lyrics are good. In case you can't read it, it says "I'm injecting my reflection cause I hate the way it judges me."

Things have been pretty dull lately I guess. Last night I went out with Sam, Brad, and Cory. We went down to the mall and I pushed Sam around in a shopping cart and then we picked up Udder and went to Sasafras Park which was freezing. I'm really mad that they're gonna tear that park down. Lots of nice memories there from being a kid.

I'm in school right now in Pfeiffer's room. Bored. Me and Zach went out for lunch today, that was fun. Got some fries at Burger King. Then we came back to this hell hole. School's out in like 15 minutes, thank god.

This week's boring. It's snowing outside. I'm sick of snow. Even though it hasn't really snowed much at all. I just hate it already. The only time there should be snow is on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day then it should really just go away.

The more I listen to the new Otep CD, the more I'm amazed. It really is amazing. The only track I didn't really like is "Perfectly Flawed" and that's just because the instrumentals are way too mainstream. I have a quiz tomorrow in Math and some homework for English and History. Oh well. Whatever.

I guess that's all I have to write. Nothing exciting to say and I don't like writing while in school. Peace niggs.

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I've discovered that it is very hard to work up the motivation to write in here. Today is Black Friday. Happy Late Thanksgiving to you all. Hope you enjoyed eating dead corpses. Thanksgiving was pretty boring. We had everyone over to our house. Grandma, Grandpa, John, John.J, Carol, Jane, Aunt Moony, Uncle Chet, John's friend Hila, my mom, my dad, and me of course. We just sat around, ate, and talked.

So, today was black friday. I actually went out shopping with Zach and Katie. I only bought two shirts. They cost less then $20.00 altogether. I also got some pizza that I didn't finish. Sbarro's is so friggen expensive. It was $5.27 for a slice of pizza and a drink. That's so ridiculous. Whatever. Katie got some stuff and Zach got three video games and a couple movies.

Today was boring. Sat around and did nothing.
Short update I know, but whatever.

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Things are slipping away lately. Faster and faster. It's as if I don't even have the time to realize what's going on. My brain isn't thinking straight. I have no idea who I am anymore or what I am. And honestly, I don't care.

The animal rights group I'm apart of (Beyond Human) did a presentation last night. I brought my rat Barbosa with me and did a little talk on rats. It was an okay turnout. About thirty people I'd say.

After that I went over to Chantal's and everyone was over there. And that got me thinking about crap. None of my friends are going anywheres with there lives. And that's pretty fuckin depressing. I don't even feel like getting into it right now. I'm just too tired. I'll try to write more tomorrow if I feel better but I doubt I will so whatever.

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My stress and depression has caused me to lose ten pounds. So I suppose that's a positive side effect of being depressed. I just weighed myself yesterday and realized I was 10 pounds lighter. Well anyways, things have been really crappy.

Today just started horribly. Got into school, already in a bad mood because I was exhausted and I went to put my sweater into my locker and what's at my locker? A lock. Somebody put a flippin lock on my flippin locker. Heads up: I do not lock my locker because there is nothing in there to steal and because I hate using the locks. I'm not sure if another kid switched a lock or if a custodian put it on or what. So anyways, I went down to the office and talked to the lady down there about it and she said that the locker is no longer technically mine because me and Kayla shared a locker and since Kayla dropped out, it's not mine. Even though back in 9th grade they TOLD us to have a locker "buddy" because there wasn't enough lockers to go around.

I got my five week report which was really good except for Math. I have a D in there. But oh well, I'll bring it up I hope. My Dad picked me up early today because I had two study halls in a row for 6th and 7th. Then I came up here to my aunts and whatnot.

Yesterday, Dorothy was going to drive me home so we went to get in her car and she went to start it and it wouldn't start so we had to walk to her house and then her parents came home and figured out that the key was worn down or something so they had another key and then she drove me home.

I feel miserable...I wrote a lot today about how alone I feel. It's almost a feeling of being abandoned by everyone around me. No one being there.

Right now I'm waiting for Zach to get here and drive me home. He'll probably forget me. Everyone else does hah.

I'm never good enough.

Labels: desperation

1 spoke out

man, if they kicked me out of my locker, I'd be pissed!

By  Cole, at November 7, 2007 at 10:11 PM  

/ Speak out

I wondered today why I'm so stupid. I wondered why I am like this. This unfertilized embryo leaves my body, sometimes painfully.

I love him some days and others...I think of his stupidity, his bliss ignorance. I'm jealous of his contentedness, his ignorant happiness. His lack of empathy.

I hear a slight whisper of my name. Some door slams possibly. I laugh with them, buy my laugh feels empty. I can't remember the last time I truly laughed. Did I ever truly laugh? What does it matter really?

I. That is what it's all about really.

This week's been boring. Hung out with Zach yesterday for a little while. Watched Silent Hill for the first time. It was pretty decent I guess. I didn't really like the ending. Then we went on a ride over to Wolf Hollow. That was alright.

Stayed home from school today because I was so worn out. I slept til around 12:00. Then I did some overdue math homework and wrote my paper on The Children of the Corn for Mr.Mattice and wrote out five examples of imagery from One From The Road. I have to read more of The Great Gatsby for Mrs.Forte but I really don't want to. I hate this book so much.

Hung out with Kayla, Chantal, and Will on Wednesday. That was alright. I only was there for like two hours. Will's friends from B-Spa picked him up around 9. I had a huge headache yesterday. Zach's gonna drop me off at Ray's tomorrow and then pick me up again around 8 when he gets out of work and we're gonna go up to my aunt's and watch movies or something. I wanna go to down to Barnes and Noble or Border's and get Nikki Sixx's book "The Heroin Diaries". It looks pretty good.

I'm exhausted so I'm gonna go to bed.
Night.

1 spoke out

god, you remind me so much of me a few years ago. thebeginning of this post seems like sometihng i would have written

By  Cole, at November 7, 2007 at 10:12 PM  

/ Speak out