The name is Rachel. I'm sixteen years too old and from that wonderful filthy state of New York. I'm a scorpio, a vegetarian, and an animal rights activist. I love animals. I'm a stubborn female of mostly Irish and German descent. People make me physically ill. Trying to get me to change my mind is a pointless effort. I will debate you until your too tired to debate. Unless your a complete moron. In which case, I won't waste my time talking to you. I don't say anything unless I have something to say. Think about it.

July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007

AIM: GetHisScentOffMe
Myspace:Click Here

I’m sick of my life. I’m sick of everything. Today is another day where I wish more than anything I could just lay down and die. I guess that’s all I deserve anyways. No one gives a crap about me. Who am I kidding anyways? Death is the only way out it seems. I feel fascinated with all forms of it right now. Any form of it. Anything at all to escape this. Escape all of this.

Got in a fight with my Dad today. It was completely pointless and it gained nothing. He basically kept bringing up the past. I’m trying to let it go but he apparently can’t. Everytime I find something that seems to make me happy, such as hanging out with people or whatever, the very minute anyone sees that gleam of happiness, they just want to shut me down and destroy it. Kill it.

I don’t want to hurt anymore. If I could just die, I wouldn’t hurt. I have this feeling in my throat right now, sharp. Tastes awful. Tastes like mistrust. Tastes like hurt. I’m so sick of hurt. So fucking sick of it.

The goal of this world it seems at times is to destroy me. As if I were the cause of everything bad that happens. I feel like a scapegoat. Rachel the scapegoat. Why don’t I just get on all fours and baaaaa all day long? Maybe that would make everyone happy.

In 14 months and 3 days I’ll be eighteen and I will be out of this house. I’ll be out of this town hopefully and I won’t stop until I’m far enough away that no one and nothing can bring me down again. Nothing can hurt me. Because, like I said, I will not be hurt again.

Everyone acts as if everything that has happened over the last four years has only effected them. Well, I hate to ruin everyone’s pity party but it’s effected me more than anyone knows. I’m the one who was completely betrayed. Not them. I’m the one who lost their best friend, their mother, and all sense of self in one year.

I’m not trying to play the victim. I am the victim.

0 spoke out / Speak out