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the girl
The name is Rachel. I'm sixteen years too old and from that wonderful filthy state of New York. I'm a scorpio, a vegetarian, and an animal rights activist. I love animals. I'm a stubborn female of mostly Irish and German descent. People make me physically ill. Trying to get me to change my mind is a pointless effort. I will debate you until your too tired to debate. Unless your a complete moron. In which case, I won't waste my time talking to you. I don't say anything unless I have something to say. Think about it.

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The only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Well, I feel like crap lately. My dad's been depressed, saying he wishes he was dead. I feel so helpless. And in the meantime I can't handle my own problems at the moment. I just want to get away for like...a year. I can't take it anymore. I can't take anything anymore.

I was going to go to Kayla's house today...but my Dad said I've been over there all week. I wasn't there yesterday so I don't see the big deal. Not to mention this is the last week of summer vacation. But whatever. Who cares right?

Tomorrow night me and Kayla are supposed to go to some place I think in either Johnstown or Gloversville and read our poetry. I'm either going to read "Broken Dollie" or "Heart of A Pig". I'm not sure.

On Friday me, Sam, Zach, and possibly Cory and maybe someone else I don't know, are going to Lake George. I'm excited to get away from here for the day. And hopefully on Saturday I'll be at my aunts for the day and away for some more time.

Whenever I want to talk about anything no one wants to listen. People want to listen to what they want to hear and at their convienance. Well, that's not how it's gonna work with me.

Today I went to my second cousin Judy's house and went riding. I was cantering simon up a hill and he tripped over a rock and I kinda went a little off the saddle and landed on the horn of the saddle with my thigh. It hurts like hell. I'm going to have a huge bruise. Oh well, nothing I can do about it heh.

I feel miserable. Alone slightly. I don't want to talk to anyone about the way I'm feeling and why. I can't.

I don't want to go back to the way I used to be. But it seems inevitable lately. As if, I can't control urges or I can't control anything. Life is fucking pointless. I just feel like laying down and dying. Leave me alone.

I don't even know who I'm talking to.


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